Gone, but not forgotten

Good morning lads and lasses,

over the breakfast bowl

When I originally decided to start a blog focusing on wellness and nutrition, I came up against a few considerations:

  • What will be my main focus?
  • How will I make people want to read my blog?
  • Or, further more, how will I make people return to my blog?
    But most importantly…
  • How personal am I will to get?

The first three questions were easy to answer. Firstly – and quite obviously – my main focus would be on fitness, food/nutrition, lifestyle and wellness and general well-being of one’s self (side note: does anyone else find it easier to type something up if you like the font you’re typing in?). Next, I tackled the ‘how’. I decided the best way to do it was to just be myself. And although I’m still very much in the beginning stages of my blogging life, I feel a great deal of promise that one day I will be more established (just wait for it).

It was the last question that had me stumped. How personal am I willing to get?

At first I thought I should be only moderately personal. Truthfully, no one needs to know these things about me, so there is no real reason for me to have to share them. Then, I decided to get a little deeper. In all honesty, I don’t see there to be anything to be ashamed of regarding my struggles. Yes, I spent three years struggling with disordered eating. Yes, I’ve done things to my body that I am not proud of. Yes. That did happen. So, instead of letting that go in complete vain, I thought I’d try to do what I can to ensure that other people with similar struggles have someone to turn to (feel free at any time to e-mail me with questions or concerns; I’d love to help). I wanted people to know that somewhere out there live a girl who understands completely.

But, with that, I also had to decide to commit to full disclosure. Let’s call a spade a spade, here. A blog – in many ways – is one’s personal diary put onto the internet, in hopes of connecting with people and having their voice heard. I knew exactly what I was committing to; I still do. Unfortunately having something so personal become public knowledge does leave room for speculation.

I don’t intend to get into too many details – that’d be too personal :P – but, it has become apparent to me that once you have struggled with something such as an eating disorder, it will always be somewhat attached to you. I am not suggesting that my recovery is complete. I think there is a fine line between being a healthy freak and having a disordered relationship with eating and currently, I feel I’m walking it (though, the wind seems to be going in the right direction, so soon I might fall to the right side). Regardless of how I feel, those who care for me will always have it in the back of their mind. It would be no different, I suppose, then a person covering from alcoholism. In any event that they should be in the company of an alcoholic beverage, it would not be surprising for someone to worry about the aforementioned recovering alcoholic.

Same goes for me – and other ED recovers, alike. Should we go to the bathroom too many times, purging is a fair concern; should we seem like we’re picking out food, it’s quite possible we’re restricting. In actuality, we could truthfully not be hungry, or maybe we just have a case of the runs (TMI?… TMI.) Regardless of the actual reason, visuals of unpleasant actions will dance in their heads.

At first, when this occurred to me I immediately felt somewhat embarrassed. I can’t explain why, but I did. Then, after some more thinking, I realized that it was absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.  In fact, I should feel comforted by the fact that there are people out there who care for me so greatly. Which, I do. I love knowing that I have people who worry and care about my. Who have my back and support me, no matter what. Yes, if I could disconnect myself with my bad experiences, I would, gladly. But, I cannot. This is something that has happened to me; this is something that has made me who I am today: a strong, happy individual.

If you’re like me and have any embarrassments about your past struggles, don’t. They’ve formed you into the beautiful person you are right now. Whether you’ve dealt with death, suicidal thoughts, EDs, self mutilation, self disgust, anything! If you’ve ever faced any challenge in your life, considering yourself beautiful for getting through it. You made it, guys. I made it, too. For that, you should be nothing but proud.

june yoga challenge
Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life

This week all of my workouts incorporated yoga! :)
Each day I did a series of Sun Salutes, which I love very much (it’s becoming my favorite way to warm up my body. Especially when I include my Sweaty Sun Salute.

One was just a simple core series – a lot of boat poses, roughly 30 minutes.
The other ones were designed by yours truly!
One was focused on your core: Widdle Your Middle
One was focused on your legs: Warrior Woman Workout
And one was focused on the upper body: Chaturanga Charge Workout

I am loving my fusions. Today I attempted to do a yoga fusion, with a focus on your shoulders and your back. And, although it did get my heart rate up, it isn’t ready for publication just yet.

Although,
This week I discovered a move I love. I call it the “Downward Dog to Plank”. Basically you just hold downward dog, then pull forward into plank, holding eat posture for a few seconds. It really works the back, core and shoulders, but also gets the heart rate up!

Give it a try!

Anyhow,
Stay sweet!

Caitlyn.

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4 thoughts on “Gone, but not forgotten

  1. Well said, about how our past struggles help shape who we are today.

    Nice work with the yoga challenge! The DVD I used this week does that downward dog – to – plank series in the middle, and I love it. Each time, I continued the pattern for a little longer than the DVD did, because it feels SO great :)

    • Thank you! I love this. :) This, right here, is the reason I wanted to blog; to connect with people who understand.

      Ah! Really? And here I thought I was some creative. I love that I feel it work multiple muscle groups. It’s a small movement, with a big impact. A new favorite I think? :P Is it the Yoga AM one displayed on your page? :)

      I love yoga. In fact, I have plans to get my yoga teacher training after I completely my education in Psychology. I used to do yoga every day, without fail. Have you practiced yoga long?

  2. Thanks for sharing this with me, Caitlyn! Really resonates with me because I am extremely afraid to be 100% open on my blog. It’s not that I’m ashamed…I just worry that my identity will become “the girl with issues” or something like that. I don’t want anyone to just see me as a disorder, I want them to see me as ME! So I tend to keep quiet on the blog, keep it subtle, and then be more open when I’m commenting on posts like this. But your post definitely inspires me and maybe I’ll be more open on my blog someday!

    • I know. It’s really hard to disassociate yourself with that once its been established. I no longer let my past issues hold me down. Kind of like a butterfly, you know? I went into my cocoon of all that was unpleasant, and came out as me – a girl much happier than before. The one thing I hated most about having one, was that – to me – it felt so self involved. I knew I couldn’t let it go in vain. Honestly, the idea of helping others has pulled me out of it. :)
      I’m glad you enjoyed it and I am positive you’ll be comfortable to open up more one day! I’m glad you read. :)

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