what i want this wednesday
First I’d like to apologize for not writing yesterday – after saying I was going to commit more. But, I had a few errands to run, then I had to work, then my cousin came up to hang out! So, it was a pretty busy day, leaving little time to sit down and write. But, I will assure you that next week will have one amazing Tuesday post.
After carefully thinking about how I want to organize these posts, I decided to go ahead and start off with one meaningful ‘want’ and one not-so meaningful ‘want’. Why? Because I think a balance is extremely important in life! 🙂
My Meaningful Want: Spend more time with Children and Babies
I love kids; I love babies. I’m sure I’ve made this quite clear. I see them, I giggle. I made silly noises to them whenever possible. I just love children. I also love babies. They’re little soft cheeks and rollie-pollie arms; their laughs and smiles. I truly believe that being in the company of a baby can make anyone’s day a bit brighter. Unfortunately, I am horrid at holding them.
I never really thought about it until most recently. I’ve always been exceptionally good with children and infants, but typically speaking I am so when they’re in the arms of another individual. The moment you put that little being in my arms, I tense. I don’t know why! I will never understand it.
Last night – as I said – my cousin and her boyfriend came over. She is just moving back from being away from home for several years, to rethink her career choices. Considering she had not been home in a long time, we decided to invite another old friend to the house. This old friend is the mother of a beautiful baby girl – who won’t let me whole her!
True, the entire situation had a humorous element to it, but deep down, I couldn’t help but think…
“Why don’t you like me, little girl?”
Before I had the chance to get depressed, my family informed me that it is just because I haven’t been around kids so closely in a very long time. Which couldn’t be more true. So, it was in that moment that I decided that I need to find a way to spend more time with little ones. I am not sure how I plan to do this, yet, but I will make it happen.
One of my greatest fears is that I will be a horrible mother – which, isn’t shocking at all considering my personality. I tend to expect the worst of myself, while anticipating the best of others. I watch my mother – who, I think is the best mother there is – and fear that I will never live up to that. It’s silly, but I cannot help it. So the moment the baby began to cry, I feared my insecurity was being proven true. I know now that it isn’t. First of all, it isn’t my child and when I do have one, I am sure she will love me very much because I am her mother and children are naturally connected to their mothers. It’s biology (I think…). And second of all, I’m still very young and have plenty of time to develop my own maternal personality. No rush!
Possible Ways of Surrounding Myself More
Well, I can only think of ONE right now.
I’ve considered applying to the IWK as a volunteer. I am thinking if not during the school year, I will definitely be committing to this next summer! I mean, really, why not? It’ll look amazing on a resume and I’ll get to spend more time with little children, which I really need to do.
I’d like to just take a moment to say that I am quite proud of myself, however. In the moments that the baby wouldn’t let me hold her and everyone laughed, I immediately got internally defensive. But, I stopped myself from overreacting too much because that is something I know I need to work on.
My No-So Meaningful Want
A Burberry Bag…
Typically speaking I find designer names kind of ridiculous. But there is something about the style of a Burberry bag that has always appealed to me. It’s timeless, elegant and classic.
I mean, yes, it’s just a bag. But it’s so pretty 🙂