Friday Five: Fitness and Future

learning to accept 
Most of you don’t know that about three months ago I applied to be an ambassador of a online fitness group. Yesterday I got word from them, declining me. At first, I was extremely depressed. They told me that I wasn’t yet ready to be an ambassador, but that I have potential and then proceeded to tell me where I should improve. This was something I really wanted, so hearing that I wasn’t ready was a total blow to my ego.
Then it occurred to me that isn’t the end, at all. In fact, that is only the beginning.With the information provided I know how to properly improve my blog – not only to become an ambassador, but to become a full-fledged blogger (which, is an ultimate goal of mine). This inspired my Friday Five of this week, which will be five Fitness and Career Related Goals of mine.
my fitness bucket list
learn to do a full-out yoga headstand
Okay, I know this sounds a little… lame… but a huge goal of mine is to learn how to do a headstand, yoga style! Truth be told this all came about from watching the – you guessed it – Olympics. Damn, those Gymnasts are impressive, huh?
While the idea of being a Gymnast has never really appealed to me, the challenge of balance is something I always strive to accomplish. Why? I’m not overly balanced for being a lover of yoga. I have been known to topple over every now and again. Regardless, I make it an effort to improve! To achieve the yoga headstand would prove to be a great feat for me. It’s something I’ve always looked at thinking it could never and would never happen. But why? Things are only prevented from happening if someone prevents them, and you are in control of your own life. So therefore, one could infer that if you do not allow something from not happening it is most certainly a probability, couldn’t one? 🙂
become certified in Mat Pilates, Yoga and Barre 
It is no big surprise that I love Pilates/Barre/Yoga work outs. In combination to my forever loved intervals, I find this form of exercise to be most beneficial. In the past few months I’ve noticed more changed in not only my body, but in my outlook on healthy living.
As mentioned, the grace and poise of these exercises have allowed me to feel more beautiful and more graceful than ever before (might I remind you that I already told you I have a balance-related issue which needs work).  I kind of shutter to say it, but when I work out I watch myself in the mirror. Why? Because I’m crazy self involved? No, because I absolutely love watching my body grow and change. I love feeling accomplished. Sweat and tears make me feel accomplished, 😛
I don’t really know how to explain it any better than that. This makes me feel beautiful, so why wouldn’t I want to do it every day?
support women all over the world pursue healthy and active lifestyles 
The former leads right into the next goal of mine: the help women all over the world pursue healthy and active lifestyles. Alright. I don’t want to get into it too much, as you know very well my life goals. However the more and more I think about it, the more and more excited I become. I’ve always hated that I let myself go down the road of eating disorders and addictive exercise. It’s made me feel like I’ve been focusing far too much on the wrong things. Ironically enough, I’ve never been too concerned with impressing guys. I mean, yes, there was a few gentleman who’s attention I would have liked, but in a lot of ways I made valiant efforts to go unnoticed. In short, I – not my weight – was my own worst enemy.
So, am I am sure you can imagine, the mere concept that I let this happen to me, Caitlyn, was extremely depressing. I was a strong, independent girl. I loved words and poetry, intellectualism and depth. I was not the kind of girl to get caught up in silly and superficial things such as my appearance. Why the heck am I rambling about this?
Well! I refused to let my disorders go in vain. Simply refused. I knew from the moment I began my personal recovery that I needed to make helping others with their healthy lives a huge part of my future. Granted, I doubt I’ll ever been stable enough to help severe cases (please note that this is my a degradation, but simply a stated fact which I am perfectly happy to attest to). I have become extremely sensitive to the topic and do not believe I’ll ever be stable enough to consider myself the ideal help for a person going through serious and critical issues.
That doesn’t mean I cannot help, though. I’ve discovered a genuine interest in helping women feel good about themselves – even the ones who are not slowly killing themselves have great insecurities, which need to be treated. Why shouldn’t everyone have the chance to boost their self worth and feel elegant and beautiful?
From that moment I knew that I wanted to get a Psychology degree, along with life coaching and fitness credentials to one day strive toward helping women pull physical activity and mental therapy. I’ve always been passionate about Yoga and recently developed a deep connection to Barre and Pilates. They’ve reminded me that strength is not killing yourself and they beauty is not hurting yourself. This a message I want to share with others; this is a message I want to make known. To be able to do this one thing would make me the happiest girl – along with a few other things not related to fitness. 🙂
take up swimming
I used to be a fish. A legitimate fish. I would spend hours upon hours swimming in my small, yet adorable poor in the backyard, absent-minded and blissful. During my childhood, that is when I was most happy. The smell of chlorine…. the taste! As disgusting as it is, the taste and smell of chlorine strike a nostalgic chord with me.
Then, I turned into a electronic-obsessed, house hippo. I spent my days glued to a computer screen (what is all this past tense usage, right?) never stepping foot outside. God forbid I greet the sun, right? I became more interested in chatting instantly, then splashing intensely. In short, the only water-related activity I did was surf. The net, that is.
I miss it.
Today my work’s mail-man (who’s name I don’t know) dropped off some mail, as he tends to do every Friday. Being that it was dead and I was bored, I struck up a conversation with him. Actually, to be honest, he started it, I just kept it going. During the conversation I learned that he had just recently moved here from Calgary for two, simple reasons.
One: His family
And two?
The ocean.
The moment he said it, I couldn’t have agreed more. One of the most valued aspects of my current residence is how close I happen to be to water. I am a true believer that water – life flowers – force people to dream and hope and aspire. Perhaps it is the vast shorelines, or the calming breeze. Or, you know, a combination of the both. Just something about the ocean and water makes me feel like I can do anything.
So, I feel like it is stupid that I don’t spend more time with it. Even if it means a artificial creation (a pool).
Also… I could probably use a tan.
I’m, like, a glitter away from being confused for as a Twilight fan.
try out classes, rather than working out solely from home
As much as I love fitness, I sometimes get discouraged about how it is something that I haven’t gotten anybody to connect with. No one I know is as passionate about it as I am. Or, at least, in the specific style that I am. I feel like it would be extremely beneficial for me to get out more and try out some classes. In the past, I was scared to do so because I felt insecure about my body and technique, but now I understand that no one is really focused on anyone else but themselves. Especially in regards to yoga. You are there because you have a connection to your body. The others are just a great additive and a wonderful way to make friends.
I’ve done a few yoga classes here and there, but I want to get involved in maybe some aerobics classes, or even Pilates.
Maybe one day.
Regardless, stay sweet.Caitlyn.


getting comfortable
Sometimes when you walk into a room and hear people talking in hushed tones, you’ll find yourself doing the exact opposite of what the people talking were hoping for. Perhaps, if you’re like me, you’ll stand out of sight and listen to what is being said, ashamed that you’re being so secretive toward everything. You don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, so instead of announcing your presence, you let them go on thinking that their efforts haven’t failed.
Have you been here?
I have.
Now, in some cases the words being spoke of you are with only the intention to hurt you. These are cruel and unnecessary and in these moments I see that it is completely within your right to stand up for yourself. But, what do you do when the words being spoken of you are from a place of pure concern and love?
I cannot answer this for you, most unfortunately.
Yesterday, I overheard my mother talking to my Aunt. At first, all I heard was ‘is she sick?’ which initially caused me to worry. Who were they discussing? Is everything O.K? Then, I heard my mother reply, which answered all of my questions.
Me and… I thought she was.
When you go through your days, recovering from something like this and seeing the same people day in and day out, you actually begin to – in a sense – forget about it. Or, at least, you make it an effort to try. After so many weeks of things going well, you begin to actually push it as far into the back of your mind as possible. Then, when you overhear something like this, you are immediately pulled back.
It was almost as if my mind was saying to me, ‘not so fast, Caitlyn. You’re not past it, yet’. I was ready to break down. I was ready to cry my eyes out (alright, I won’t lie, I did cry in my room), but after five minutes I took control of my mind, and I said, ‘cut that out right now’. I grabbed a – light – sweater and headed out, without much of an reason. Left my phone (sorry, Baba; I know you told me to stop doing that), my purse and just thought. I thought of where I was and where I have come; I thought about all the things I’ve accomplished and all the pain I’ve endured. Then it hit me… my mind was right. I am not ‘past’ it; I might never be ‘past’ it.  That doesn’t mean I am not okay, though.
Every situation in our life stays with us. Even the bad ones, unfortunately. We learn from them, develop and eventually change. I do feel like I’ve come an exceptionally far way in regard to my health, but I most certainly have a far way to go.  I shouldn’t feel ashamed, or anything of my past. I should understand that people love me very much.
There was  picture of me, that I used to look at from time to time and become saddened. All I could see was bone and pain. Now, I look at it and think, ‘look where I am now’ or ‘look how much I’ve accomplished’.
Today is a short post, yes. But I just came onto say that you should never feel embarrassed about who you are, who you were or what you hope to be. That which has caused me – and those around me – pain has also been that which has made me the health-seeking girl I long to be. Always remember in life, you are to love yourself. You need to love yourself. So promise me that you’ll do just that from here on out? Promise me, and I’ll promise you I’ll try my very hardest to do the same.
Stay sweet.
simple sunday