It’s been a while

university: more than just academically educating
signs on doors are often of great value
It was my first day of classes and – without any real regard – I walked into the class written on my weekly schedule. The professor had been incredibly late, while I had been incredibly early. After about ten minutes, the prof decided it was time to show up. Apparently she was unaware of how far her office was from the classroom.Tardiness is unacceptable.
Regardless, after about two-three minutes into the lecture and a whole bunch of words I didn’t know, I turned to the girl on my right and sheepishly asked, ‘is this Research Methods in Psychology?’
The girl looked at me, puzzled, and replied: ‘No. No, this is taxonomy’.
First of all, I don’t know what ‘taxonomy’ is, but if ‘tax’ and/or ‘taxes’ are involved, one can assume business and/or money is also involved and therefore a one Ms. Caitlyn Mearns needs to get out. So, quietly, I walked out with absolutely no idea as to where I was suppose to be.
Turns out, another building completely.
So, consequently, I boogied my ass right over to the right building and meandered about to find the right class, which by this point was already well on its way. Which, I’ll have you know is no walk in the park  (no pun, intended) considering womem of my age group seem to deem it completely reasonable to wear heals that are way too high for them, causing them to not only walk awkwardly, but slowly. Yeah, I have no time girls. You’re going to Mathematics, not Milan.
But, I digress.
I reached my destination, hoping to find that it was a large class, that allowed me to sneak in unnoticed. Nope. It was actually quite small, housing – at most – 20 students.
So, in the future, I intend to make sure I look around because apparently – unbeknownst to me – there was a sign outside of the original classroom, informing students of a classroom change. Observant? Me? Apparently not.
students are frugal s.o.b’s 
Being a fan of the ability to fold and contort my body in most unusual ways, it is not unlike me to do so in the chair of any given classroom. That is, I tend to sit and balled-up as virtually possible during lectures. Considering the areas where we need to sit tend to run… small, I often find myself placing my textbooks underneath my seat.
Now, being that I am – like – extremely focused, sometimes my mind slips and I leave mentioned book there. Not 75 minutes passed before I scurried back to that classroom to get my book and it had already been scooped up. Now, in the event that this was not a school-made course book valued at 20 dollars, I probably would have had a stroke. But, I just bought a new one. Regardless, I have not again put any book – coursebook or otherwise – under my chair.
being awkward is not something the decreases with age
The moment I turned 21, I thought maybe – just maybe – that would lend itself to my being a little less awkward. Turn the big ol’ two-one is an exciting thing, right? Well, I think it is possible that my levels of awkwardness have only proven to show a correlation with my increasing age: it’s going up with it.
After getting out of class and meandering through my bag – starving – looking for my apple, I looked up to see this guy from my high school. He had changed a fair bit, and I hadn’t seen him for two years so I had to adjust my eyes on him a bit. Anyhow, point is, there I am apple in mouth, apple juice dripping down my chin giving this guy the shocked, “I know you” look that is still somewhat laced with the, “Wait – do I know you?” look.
This would have been weird, yes, but had he of remembered me it would have been justified. Most unfortunately, he did not. So, I merely looked like a apple-hungry weirdo giving him the weird set of eyes known to man.
you’re mind is stronger than your body – lactic acid can kiss me arse
Since there is now a change in my schedule, there is also a change in my routine. Instead of my normal morning routines, I’ve broken it into two smaller routines (20ish minutes each). One in the morning and one in the afternoon. My morning one is mostly cardio with some body weight training and I usually do some toning exercises in the afternoon.  I’ve started to lift a bit heavier and I love it. I’ve also incorporated more yoga – much more yoga. I’ve re-re fallen in love. I happily say I’ve mastered (MASTER) crow pose.
I used to be afraid of working out twice a day. Furthermore, I used to be afraid of only sweating for 20 minutes (typically each work out runs to 30 minutes long, but I do a lot of stretches). But, nope. Turns out, my body loves it and I do too.
school is my home away from home and i’ve missed it
This will sound lame, but on the way to my school I pass where I was working. Or, rather, was working full time. There have been two to three occasions where in I almost turned to my father – who drives me to the bus stop so I don’t have to transfer… cha-ching! – where he was going because he was passing work. It would only be for a split moment until I realized that I wasn’t going to work.
Additionally, last night at work I was talking to a woman about ‘getting out’. I used to literally fear my permanence in retail. Maybe it was just my own insecurities getting the best of me, but I used to look at my name tag and think, ‘get used to it Princess’.
Furthermore, school has pushed me to get better my health. And by that, I mean my diet. And my fitness regime. Each day I go to school I am reminded that I have an entire life ahead of me. A career, a beautifully amazing boyfriend to whom I plan to share a life with (a home, children and probably a few furry friends, included)… I need to get over this. First of all, I want to be strong and beautiful, not brittle.
I’ve decided to commit to 30 minutes of exercise, daily. I love to work out each day, but I need to remember… you don’t need to hurt yourself or over do it. I’m also going to focus more on strength training and yoga, rather than cardio. Essentially, it’ll look like this
Monday and Wednesday: 15 minutes of cardio + 15-25 minutes of lower body work .
Tuesday and Thursday: 15 minutes of cardio + 15-25 minutes of upper body work.
Saturday and Sunday: 30 minutes of cardio (5 warm up, 20 HIIT, 5 cool down)
Friday: 45 minute of Spin N’ Stretch (this is my own thing, that incorporates my spin bike and my yoga mat)
These times are pretty set in stone. Until I can prove to myself that I can eat more, I am to stick to these time constraints. This said, stretching is not part of the time limits. If I want to do a 20 minute yoga routine on top of this, I can. Why? Because yoga – in my mind – is more important than anything else. Yoga has toning benefits, cardiovascular benefits, without killing you.
As goes for my food, I’m – effective immediately – increasing my caloric intake. Generally speaking, people – active or not – should be taking in 1900-2100 calories, depending upon their sex and stuff. Well, I’m still at 1750 (on a good day). Last night, I finally made it to 1850 and today will be not different.
I will still have my six meals. Why? Because I still think eating smaller meals is better. But, I will NEED to ensure that these small meals are not… so small. So, essentially, until I can do this without numbers
I will have three meals of 400 calories
and three snacks of  200 calories
🙂 Wish my luck!
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Thank You for my AZzzzzzz

simple sunday: surveys and afternoon sleeps
I know for a fact that I’ve completed this survey on my previous blog (or, perhaps, on my current one… I can’t recall). When I saw it circulating again (via http://www.pbfingers.com) I knew I had to do it again. I’ve done so much changing in the past… few months, to be honest, that I thought it would be fun to do this again and see if my answers differ, at all.
simply a to z

A – Apples (and all fruits – banana, berries and peaches). I absolutely love fruit. They’re so naturally sweet and tasty! Not to mention extremely good for you! I aim (and succeed) to have three to four servings of fruit, daily. Usually this consists of an apple, berries galore, bananas and perhaps a pear/peach/apricot. Typically speaking I prefer my fruit in the natural and fresh form, instead of dried and/or juiced, but whatever cranks your chain, right? My all time favorite go-to fruit at the moment is Pink Lady Apples. They’re such a treat! I eat an apple daily, I’m sure. I love them.

B – Barre/Pilates styled workouts are definitely going to take the cake for B. As you know, when I started to incorporate more Yoga/Pilates and Barre into my fitness regime, I noticed so many changes in my mind and body. I feel beautiful, graceful, elegant… the list could go on. Let’s be honest, I feel girly. I love to feel girly. 

C –  The clean eating lifestyle. I absolutely love the feeling of eating clean. Knowing that the food I put into my body is extremely healthful and good for me has helped me – in so many ways – overcome my struggles with disordered eating. Instead of focusing on what I shouldn’t/couldn’t eat, it caused me to focus on what I should and need to eat. If you’ve never tried out the lifestyle of eating clean, I strongly advise you to give it a go. 🙂

D – I love being able – or being surrounded by people who – dress up. I know it sounds kind of ridiculous but ever since I took part in a high school program a few years back where one of the events require me to dress up, I have loved the whole concept. I am not huge into dressing up like a total skank, though. Halloween to me is about being cute or funny, not looking like I just walked out of a porno, thank you muchly!

My friend, Shelby, from work at the Sunshine Bear and I!

E – Exercise has become an important and required part of my life. I love to create work outs (see below for this weeks ‘Love Your Body Toning Every Inch’ work out).  I used to think I didn’t have it in my to design a good work out, but now I love making them up. Every morning, over my oats, I plan my work out. I live for it. Some people don’t understand and some people take the whole concept for granted (which, never should be the case). I feel grateful that I am able to sprint, sculpt, spin and stretch! It makes me who I am; it makes me feel beautiful.

F – Friends the TV show. It’s actually almost ridiculous how much I love this show. I – at the drop of a hat – can reference the show without even a thought! My mother and I have kind of turned this into a small game. OK, OK. A really large game. It’s embarrassing, really.

 

Truth!

G – Games are like my all-time favorite pass time. Mostly word, card or board games. I am in LOVE with crazy eights, cross words and… pretty much any board game under the sun. I love challenging my mind and thinking, so trivia games are a big plus. Lately I’ve been kicking serious rump at them, too! I just love them. My Friday nights are usually spent curled up with a tea and some kind of word game. I think that I found my perfect match considering last Friday night, Omar didn’t hesitate to join me on the coach with a book of Suduko. 🙂

I – Intellectual conversation with strangers (and friends, too). I absolutely love exchanging knowledge on virtually any topic with a multitude of people. If I don’t know something, I want to learn about it! I don’t feel the need to be an expert on every topic, but I love expanding my vocabulary  and knowledge everyday of my life!

J – Jewelry of all kinds. Typically I find myself drawn to elegant and simple pieces, with a timeless flare. Currently my favorite is the necklace Baba got me while he was away. 🙂 It goes with virtually everything I own!

K – My dear friend Kathryn who has always supported me and has always been there for me. I love her so much, I can’t even begin to explain it. We can go months and months without seeing each other and the moment that we see each other again it is as if no time has passed at all. I absolutely love her and am so grateful to have her. No matter what happens, she will always be my dearest friend. My very own kindred spirit :).

L – Laughter (mostly from small humans… yes, babies). I absolutely love the sound of a laugh. More than you can even understand. It’s the most beautiful sound there is. When people laugh, it makes me smile. When babies laugh it makes me feel like nothing bad in the world could happen.

M – Me time. I knwo it sounds odd, but I’ve always been a pretty quite and to myself person. I require so quiet quality time with me, or I will go completely nuts. I’ve discovered that this is best done in the early morning between 6 and 8 AM. This is when I work out and eat breakfast and plan out my day. I love it. After that time, I want nothing more but then to be surrounded by those to whom I love, I’ll admit. Too much me time can also make me a little crazy. But in that hour, I love just quietly sitting with myself.

Okay, Zooey didn’t get the memo and joins me. In fact, now she comes and gets me if I am not up at a certain time. She tends to be a quiet attendant in my morning routines, so I decided to let her stay.

N – Spending time with  nature would definitely be the number one on here. I love trees and trails and birds and butterflies. All of it. In the summertime and fall, most preferably. I love sitting among the trees and reflecting on life. I just love nature. It’s simple beauty makes me truly calm and relaxed.


O – My amazing boyfriend, Omar, who has come into my life in the most beautiful and profound way. Before him I was an honest wreck. I didn’t know who I was or what it meant to be loved by someone other than your family – in that very special way. H’es made me come to terms with the fact that I am strong and beautiful and smart. When I am with him I feel safe and able to do anything. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.

P – My loving and incredible parents.

It is no secret that my mother is my best friend. Our relationship is unlike any mother-daughter relationship I’ve seen. We talk about everything, enjoy doing everything together and I am not the least bit embarrassed about it. Why? Because my mother is truly one-of-a-kind. She’s the most generously beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I feel very fortunate to have someone like her in my life.

My father is also no joke. He’s odd and strange, albeit, but he would bend over backward to keep the people he cares for happy. I’ll never forget about the kind and thoughtful things he’s done for me over the years and will never forget the many wise words he has bestowed upon me.

I really don’t know how I got this lucky, but I am certainly glad I did. 🙂

Q – Quotes and quoting. Whether is be awesome Friends references, or quoting the famous words of Dr. Suess, the whole concept of a good quote makes me happy. To know that words have had such a great impact that they’ve – in many ways – been eternalness, makes me happy. I would absolutely love to one day be quoted.

My favorite quote of ever:

 
R – Roses and all other flowers cause me to feel at complete and utter ease. If I could live in a flower garden, I probably would. I’d sleep of the petals of a rose and dance along the stem of a sunflower. Life would be perfect!

S – Anything related to the sea or the ocean. As I’ve said in the past, I absolutely love large bodies of water! I love them even more if there is waves involved! Anything in this category makes me truly happy shells, dolphins, swimmingsailing (though I am not a sailor, I’ve gone out of boats many a’time), sand! Okay, until this moment I didn’t realize how many ‘s’ words related. The sea makes me extremely happy! 🙂

T – Telling people you love them

It might be the best feeling in the world to see the smile on the face of a person who knows they’re truly loved.
Mama, I love you. Omar, I love you. Daddy, I love you. Zooey, I love you. Kathryn, I love you.
I LOVE YOU 🙂

U –  Unusually child-like behavior….

Like eating off a child’s plate…

FYI: There is an owl smiling at you under there, I promise.

V – Vegetables! All of them. I haven’t met a veggie I didn’t like.

W – One of my largest passions has to be writing. Every moment that I can sit down and write, I will. I love the feeling of constructing a well-thought out sentence and sharing it with the people I love. Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of positive feedback regarding MY writing. I love it! Typically speaking, I’ve never felt like I was all that good at it, but wit all this kindness, I feel I am really starting to develop a true belief in myself.

X –  Total Cheat: x-mas Eve is probably my favorite time of the year. I absolutely love the feeling of family and togetherness. Typically speaking, the idea of squishing so many people into my Grandparents house causes to me feel a sense of claustrophobia, but Christmas Eve night is something completely different. If we weren’t crawling all over each other, it just would NOT be worth it, it wouldn’t. Chrisrmas Eve night is also the one night a beg for snow to come. More often than not, I find myself wanting to get a hold of one of them snow removal cans from Frosty Returns and get rid of it all, as well as the cold. But, the two weeks leading up to and Christmas Eve itself is a whole other thing. I love snow at Christmas time.

It’s so x-citing 😛

Y – Yoga! You all know how I love me a good bend and stretch! Lately I have been loving Tara Stiles yoga via Livestrong woman, The routines are short enough that you COULD do a few of them, or add it to the end of your own work out for a new stretch. I absolutely love the feeling you get after completely a yoga routine. Light and relaxed. I fell out of love with yoga for a bit, but we have reconnected in a more healthy and practical way! Thank Heavens!

Z – Zooey, my dog, is absolutely the number one Z in my books, I love everything about her :). Including (but no limited to) her strangeness, her goofy moments, her snuggles… everything. 🙂 She’s a true keeper.

Also…

Nap time.
Yesterday Omar, Zooey and I took a solid two hour nap together and it was total bliss.

Oh, yes, and the work out 🙂

stay sweet 🙂

Caitlyn

Babies and Baggies.

what i want this wednesday
First I’d like to apologize for not writing yesterday – after saying I was going to commit more. But, I had a few errands to run, then I had to work, then my cousin came up to hang out! So, it was a pretty busy day, leaving little time to sit down and write. But, I will assure you that next week will have one amazing Tuesday post.
After carefully thinking about how I want to organize these posts, I decided to go ahead and start off with one meaningful ‘want’ and one not-so meaningful ‘want’.  Why? Because I think a balance is extremely important in life! 🙂
My Meaningful Want: Spend more time with Children and Babies
I love kids; I love babies. I’m sure I’ve made this quite clear. I see them, I giggle. I made silly noises to them whenever possible. I just love children. I also love babies. They’re little soft cheeks and rollie-pollie arms; their laughs and smiles. I truly believe that being in the company of a baby can make anyone’s day a bit brighter. Unfortunately, I am horrid at holding them.
I never really thought about it until most recently. I’ve always been exceptionally good with children and infants, but typically speaking I am so when they’re in the arms of another individual.  The moment you put that little being in my arms, I tense. I don’t know why! I will never understand it.
Last night – as I said – my cousin and her boyfriend came over. She is just moving back from being away from home for several years, to rethink her career choices. Considering she had not been home in a long time, we decided to invite another old friend to the house. This old friend is the mother of a beautiful baby girl – who won’t let me whole her!
True, the entire situation had a humorous element to it, but deep down, I couldn’t help but think…
“Why don’t you like me, little girl?”
Before I had the chance to get depressed, my family informed me that it is just because I haven’t been around kids so closely in a very long time. Which couldn’t be more true. So, it was in that moment that I decided that I need to find a way to spend more time with little ones. I am not sure how I plan to do this, yet, but I will make it happen.
One of my greatest fears is that I will be a horrible mother – which, isn’t shocking at all considering my personality. I tend to expect the worst of myself, while anticipating the best of others. I watch my mother – who, I think is the best mother there is – and fear that I will never live up to that. It’s silly, but I cannot help it.  So the moment the baby began to cry, I feared my insecurity was being proven true.  I know now that it isn’t. First of all, it isn’t my child and when I do have one, I am sure she will love me very much because I am her mother and children are naturally connected to their mothers. It’s biology (I think…). And second of all, I’m still very young and have plenty of time to develop my own maternal personality. No rush!
Possible Ways of Surrounding Myself More
Well, I can only think of ONE right now.
I’ve considered applying to the IWK as a volunteer. I am thinking if not during the school year, I will definitely be committing to this next summer! I mean, really, why not? It’ll look amazing on a resume and I’ll get to spend more time with little children, which I really need to do.
I’d like to just take a moment to say that I am quite proud of myself, however. In the moments that the baby wouldn’t let me hold her and everyone laughed, I immediately got internally defensive. But, I stopped myself from overreacting too much because that is something I know I need to work on.
My No-So Meaningful Want
A Burberry Bag…
Typically speaking I find designer names kind of ridiculous. But there is something about the style of a Burberry bag that has always appealed to me. It’s timeless, elegant and classic.
I mean, yes, it’s just a bag. But it’s so pretty 🙂

Dates, S’mores and Changes!

changes to the blog 
This weekend Mama, Baba and I headed to the country! Now, if you know me at all, you would know that I absolutely love everything to do with the country. The still air, the calm, the simplicity and the kind-hearts which you are inevitably bound to encounter. Every time I leave the city – or, more accurately, the suburbs – I find myself subject to an array of emotions.
This week it was all about growth, or better yet, acceptance, of myself. This trip (the destination is called ‘Five Islands’, which is where my Grandfather is from) is an annual trip made by the entire family. Every year around this time, we all collect together at my cousin, Ellen’s, home and enjoy good food and laughs. Last year was a difficult one for me. Let’s be honest, last year was difficult for me all around, however putting myself in a family setting proved to be even more difficult.
For starters, it would have been a year since everyone had last seen me (when I was merely a vegetarian). In those 365 days, my eating disorder truly came it a head, so upon my arrival I had not only lost weight, but lost a lot of the life in my eyes. My entire family knew something was up, but they were unsure what it was. I ate alone in a lot of circumstances. It was just overall a hard experience.
This year, I found myself dealing with similar issues, again (most unfortunately), but also discovered areas where I’ve grown… or accepted who I have become.
The Tale of the Date and the S’more
Every year we have a campfire (which, has never been my favorite part because 1) it is really late and I like to get into bed at a reasonable hour and 2) it pretty much consists of drinking and eating s’mores. For me, I am more of a camp fire song kind of girl! I don’t mind the presence of roasting and I love watching fire (it calms me), but I’ve never been really good in the company of people under the influence. I mean, power to them!
Anyhow, I digress! Last year during the campfire, I denied myself a S’more. I made a promise to myself that night that in a year’s time I would eat a S’more and not worry about it. On the drive there I remembered this promise. I remembered saying, ‘I’m going to eat a S’more and not cry about it’.
You’re probably wondering if I ate the S’more, aren’t you?
I didn’t.
Now, before you get discouraged in thinking that this is just my having not progressed any, I’ll inform you that it is quite the contrary. While I reflected on my promise it occurred to me that I no longer desired the ever-so-temping S’more. At all. In fact, the idea of it kind of bored me. Cool, Graham Crackers… marsh mellows (which have always kind of alluded me… what is a Marsh mellow?)… okay and chocolate… alright, I will give the campfire treat this. Chocolate is pretty amazing. Regardless, of how wonderful chocolate is, I’d much rather in another form. Then I was all discouraged because I felt like if I didn’t eat a S’more I would in some way let myself down.
Then I spotted a date square! After supper, there it was… looking at me. All date-like and square-y, it sat. I meandered about the dessert table. Not contemplating whether or not to eat it! In fact, I had full intentions of splitting one with Baba the whole time. No, no. This was what was going through my head:
‘Alright, date squares are good and unhealthy’; they’re a treat, if you will. Much similar to a S’more. By eating this date square – which I so badly want to try- I will be technically eating something I would have previously denied myself, right? With the mindset, one can suggest that by eating this date square, I will be symbolically eating a S’more and therefore will not have let myself down, couldn’t one?’
One did. One most certainly did.
And one little date square was then enjoyed by Baba and I.
What is the point of all this? I guess what I am saying is that I have progressed, yes! But not only that I’ve changed! I am not the same girl I was before. Now, instead of being unhealthy and frail, I’m passionate about being healthy and strong!
I also ran! I did a 30-35 minute jog at five in the morning before everyone got up. Last year, I was tensed and – essentially – forced my cousin and myself to do a yoga session. It was just not natural. This year, I set my interval timer to a 7 minute warm up, followed by 20 rounds of 20seconds by 20seconds. I sprinted the first 20 and jogged/walked the following. After that, I did changed the interval to 40/20, which was kind of my ‘cool down’/’run back home’. I would walk 40 seconds (briskly), sprint for 20, jog for 40, sprint for 20, walk for 40 and so on. It continued for about ten minute. It was perfect. I had never done that before. I was so very proud of my accomplishment!
In the way back, my ‘run’ kind of turned into a FootLoose-esque dance with fist pumps. Don’t even deny that you wish you saw that.
changes to the blog 
The blog is going to be updated!
Why?
Because way too often I sit here thinking: ‘I don’t know what to write’.

So I plan to take the guesswork out of it, completely!

Each day of the week is going to subject to a certain theme. Simple Sundays and Friday Fives will remain, but the other day will pick up their very own topics.
Monday will be Motivational Monday. On Monday’s I will discuss anything that makes me motivated, how to get motivated, something that inspired me. If it’ll warm up some hearts, I’ll be written about on Monday.
Tuesday will be ‘My Take Tuesday’, where I will give a review on an opinion on something. It could be anything, a fitness trend, a diet, a movie, an article… anything! Each week I will pick a topic and form a decent opinion.
Wednesday will be all about Wishes and Wants! This will be about serious goals of mine that I would like to accomplish (or, things I have accomplished), fun ‘bucket list’ desires and materialist wishes. Like, today… I really want a Lavender Jade ring. 😦
Thursdays will by Thursday Things. Which, mostly will just be a day to write about anything I want! A hodgepodge of little bits I’ve collected over the week!
Fridays will stay the same!
Sweat and Stretch it Saturday will be fitness related posts. I will (try) to commit to making a workout for this day and posting it. 🙂 I will also share my weekly workouts and all that jazz!
Sunday will also stay the same.
These topics are not restrictive! If I decide on day that I want to add something else to the post, I will. Also, if I miss a day, I’ll just try to ensure to not miss that day the following week. I’m not sure how long this will continue, but for now I think it’ll help my creative juice to get flowing again!
I hope this seems like a good plan!
Staysweet,
Caitlyn.